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Why Second Marriages Have Higher Risk of Divorce
Statistically, an individual’s second or subsequent marriage is more likely to end in divorce than his or her first marriage. There are a few reasons for this. Although every marriage and by extension, every divorce, is unique, the same patterns and conflict sources tend to appear in second and later marriages across demographic groups.
It is not impossible to have a lasting second or subsequent marriage, but it does often take more work than a first marriage requires. Below are three common issues that drive remarried couples to divorce.
People Enter Second Marriages with More Baggage
Marriages end for a lot of reasons. A few common reasons include:
- Poor conflict resolution skills;
- Infidelity;
- Poor communication skills;
- Domestic violence;
- Financial conflicts;
Does your Job Increase your Risk of Divorce?
Certain jobs and career paths are correlated with a higher rate of divorce than others. These are not necessarily the most physically stressful jobs like construction, nor are they jobs that tend to keep individuals away from home for prolonged periods of time, like the military. Many of the jobs cited as having a high divorce rate are jobs that are mentally exhausting and put employees into positions where they are in close physical contact with others, either clients or colleagues.
There are many factors that increase or decrease a couple’s likelihood of divorcing. Each partner’s career is only one of these factors. The couple’s education and income levels, whether they have children, how old they were when they married, and the income disparity between the partners are also indicators of whether a marriage will end in divorce.
Which Careers have the Highest Divorce Rates?
Strategies that Will Not Save Your Marriage
Few couples head straight for divorce when their marriages become difficult. Instead, many try to work out their difficulties and rebuild their marriages into healthy relationships. Couples have different reasons for wanting to remain married. Some want to raise their children in an intact family, others are uncomfortable with change or worry about the financial burden of a divorce, and many still do love their spouses and do not want to end their marriages.
There are effective and ineffective ways to fix a marriage. Below are a few strategies that many couples think will work, but nearly always backfire and accelerate the end of the relationship.
Moving
Some couples move to new cities and states as a way to save their marriages because they feel it will be a fresh start for their relationship. But in many of these cases, the couple simply brings the issues they had in their old home to their new one, and old patterns rear up again and drive them apart. Moving to a new place can make a marriage stronger, but only when the move is an active, affirmative choice made by both partners. When it is an attempt to move away from old difficulties, those difficulties have a way of finding the couple again.
Steps to Take Before Your Divorce
Once you determine that your marriage is over, you have a lot to do before and after you file for divorce. One important step is to start working with an experienced divorce lawyer to ensure that your rights and interests are protected and promoted through the divorce process.
The other steps you take before you file for divorce can make a big impact on your divorce’s progress and its ultimate outcome. During your initial consultation with a lawyer, talk about what you can do to streamline the divorce process. Every divorce is unique, but most benefit from taking the following actions:
Separate your Finances and Create Preliminary Property Division Plans
Your marital assets and debts will need to be divided between you and your spouse in your divorce. You can let the court handle the division process on its own or you can be proactive and make your own property division choices. This latter route generally enables the couple to retain greater control over how their property is divided.
How Are Marital Debts Divided in a Divorce?
In a divorce, the couple’s marital assets are not the only thing that has to be divided. Their marital debts, too, must be divided according to the doctrine of equitable distribution. Just like marital assets, most debts accrued during a couple’s marriage are considered to be property of both parties. In a divorce, the court consider a variety of factors, such as each partner’s income and contributions to the marriage, to determine an appropriate way to divide these debts.
Examples of Marital Debts
Marital debt can include:
- The outstanding mortgage on the couple’s home;
- Debt owed on joint credit cards;
- Student debt for education pursued during the marriage;
- Medical debt; and
- Outstanding debt on financed vehicles.
Dividing Debt According to Equitable Distribution
Parenting Plan and Your Child's Education
What was once known as legal custody is now known as parental responsibilities. This is the right to make decisions on a child’s behalf that impact the child’s lifestyle and future. Under Illinois law, a parenting plan must touch upon all of the following subjects and state which parent is responsible for making decisions in each subject area. Both parents can be named in one or all subject areas, granting them both the right to make decisions and requiring them to work together in their child’s best interest:
- Education;
- Healthcare;
- Extracurricular activities; and
- Religious upbringing.
There are many competing philosophies on education and even among married couples, parents can disagree about the best course of action for their child’s education. If you find yourself disagreeing with your former spouse’s thoughts and choices regarding your child’s schooling, keep the following in mind:
Risks of Hiding Assets in Divorce
In an Illinois divorce, the couple’s assets must be divided equitably. This is only possible when both partners are transparent about the assets they own and the assets’ values.
Sometimes, dishonest individuals use their partners’ lack of knowledge about their marital assets to try to keep the assets out of the property division process and leave the marriage with more than their fair share of these assets. If you are thinking about doing this, stop that train of thought. You should not try to hide assets from your former partner in your divorce, and this is why:
Your Former Spouse Can Find the Assets You Hide
If your spouse has a feeling you are hiding assets, he or she can uncover them through some detective work with his or her lawyer and/or a forensic accountant. There is no “safe” way to steal assets from your marital pool – whether you think you can hide assets by transferring them into a custodial account for your child, having a friend “hold” your assets in their account for you, or making cash purchases to liquidate the money in your joint accounts, your spouse can always trace your steps and find the money if he or she is willing to do so.
Working Education Costs into Parenting and Child Support Plans
You cannot separate education from a child’s life. Think it like trying to extract a career from an adult’s lifestyle and perception his or her role in society. When you first meet somebody, one of the first questions you ask is “what do you do?” For a child, school is what he or she “does.” Because of this, a child’s academic needs are considered heavily when the court develops an appropriate parenting plan for him or her. And although child support orders are created using a formula, special academic needs can force the court to deviate from this formula.
Child Support can be Used to Cover School Expenses
For most children, school expenses include:
- School supplies;
- School clothing; and
- Occasionally, field trips and other special events.
In some cases, a child needs far more support for his or her education. This can be the case when a child attends private school and needs parental support for tuition and uniforms of when the child has a severe mental or physical disability that requires him or her to attend a specialized school.
Emotional and Psychological Abuse Tactics that Can Go Unnoticed
Domestic violence is far more than hitting and other forms of physical violence. It can involve psychological and emotional manipulation to maintain control over the victim. In many cases, emotional and psychological abuse occur alongside physical abuse. Other forms of violence, such as financial control and sexual abuse, can also be present.
Below are four forms of psychological abuse that can go unnoticed because they tend to be subtle. Look at the examples provided for each to help yourself determine whether psychological abuse is happening in your household.
Triangulation
Triangulation is a manipulation meant to pit two parties against each other or control the flow of information between two or more parties. It is the use of a third party to relay information to another individual when there is no reason to involve the third party, thus making a “triangle” of communication.
What to Do When You Want to Move with Your Child
Life rarely keeps us in one place forever. You might be offered a new job opportunity, get accepted to your dream school, meet a new partner, or face financial and personal conditions that make moving away not just an option, but the ideal course of action for you. Before you had children, decisions like this were easy to make. With children, they are far more challenging. And when you have a parenting plan for your child, moving can require court approval.
Not all proposed moves require court approval. A parent can move across town or within a small radius without getting permission from his or her former partner or the court. It is only when a proposed move is far enough that it would require altering an existing parenting plan that the parent cannot simply pack up and go.
Determine How Far You Can Move without Permission
In Illinois, where a parent currently resides determines how far they can move without his or her former partner’s consent or court approval. For parents in Cook, DuPage, Kane, McHenry, Lake, and Will counties, this limit is 25 miles from their current residence. For parents in all other Illinois counties, the limit if 50 miles. These limits apply to inter and intrastate moves, except for when a move is both out of Illinois and at least 25 miles from the child’s current residence.
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