What Should You Not Say During Divorce Mediation?

 Posted on September 20, 2024 in Mediation

During a turbulent divorce, mediation can be a real lifeline, allowing a couple with a contentious relationship to resolve disputes in a way that does not escalate hard feelings. When mediation works as it should, a divorce agreement can be crafted so that both parties can live with it while avoiding a long, expensive courtroom battle. Although divorce mediation is a more peaceful process, there are things you should avoid saying to ensure the most productive mediation experience.

If you are considering mediation, having an experienced St. Charles, IL mediation attorney from Shaw Sanders, P.C. will ensure the procedure goes smoothly and the outcome benefits you and your future. Our firm has extensive family law experience and can help determine whether mediation is the right choice. It is important that you are fully prepared for the mediation experience to reap the maximum benefits from the process. So, what should you avoid saying during your mediation meetings?

Never Play the Blame Game During Mediation

Of course, it is almost overwhelmingly tempting to counter something negative your spouse says during mediation. Remember that arguing, insulting, criticizing, or threatening your spouse during mediation will not only undermine the process but will also escalate tensions. Mediation is meant to lay the groundwork for harmony in the future – particularly for couples who have children and must deal with one another for another decade or two. Rather than telling your spouse, "You are the reason we are getting divorced," remember that a willingness to let go of the past is not only good for the mediation process, but it is also good for you.

Avoid Ultimatums and Hurtful Language in Mediation

It is understandable that after months or years in a bad marriage, you are angry and resentful. Even so, issuing an ultimatum like, "Either I get the tea set your mother gave us as a wedding gift, or I will take the car," is like adding fuel to the fire. The same is true of saying, "You are an incompetent idiot," to your spouse while you are negotiating asset division or the division of parental responsibilities. This type of language only escalates the underlying conflict and does nothing to solve the problems at hand.

When in Mediation, Never Make Decisions Based on Emotions Alone or Underestimate the Value of Compromise

Mediation is not meant to give you everything you want. It allows couples to respectfully arrive at decisions that they can both live with without making an antagonistic situation worse. When you engage in mediation, remember that the end result will dictate your future and that of your children. Remind yourself that you are prioritizing long-term outcomes over immediate emotions, and you will be less likely to find yourself saying, "I hate it when you say things like that – you always do this."  Mediation involves compromise, so enter the process with that in mind.  

If You Have Children, Never Use Threats Involving Them During Mediation

Telling your spouse that he or she will "never get to see your children" during mediation is never a good idea. Even if you do not think your spouse was much of a parent during your marriage, give them the benefit of the doubt. Often, a distant, hands-off parent will step up following a divorce and become better at being the parent his or her children need. Remind yourself that protecting your children from the emotional fallout of divorce and shielding them from any hostilities between their parents is your main priority.

Contact a Kane County, IL Mediation Lawyer

Mediation is not right for every couple, but it may be right for you. Discuss the specifics of your divorce and relationship with your spouse with a knowledgeable St. Charles, IL mediation attorney from Shaw Sanders, P.C. to determine whether mediation is the best choice for you. Our main attorney is an experienced mediator with extensive experience in family law. While our focus is on mediation, we are prepared to litigate aggressively when necessary. Contact Shaw Sanders, P.C. at 630-584-5550 to schedule your free consultation.